Plastic not so fantastic…

2 Aug

I am on a personal mission to END THE ERA OF PLASTIC BAG PRODUCTION!
I have a plastic bag beast in my kitchen and I’m betting you do too. This monstrous bag of bags was multiplying like an evil and indestructible entity, silently and ominously lurking in the cupboard, waiting patiently to be released into the wild and to end its days floating peacefully in the Pacific Ocean, for the next 500 years! This multiplying continued, uninterrupted until I stumbled upon some rather startling facts about our oceans. Upon reading this disturbing information I turned to face my bag beast with thoughts of furious vengeance and made a personal vow to myself; never accept a new plastic bag again and hassle the shit out of my friends and neighbours until they stop too!

So here are some truth nuggets to get you motivated and on the righteous path of anti bagging; Plastic is one of the hardest things to re-cycle because of the sorting process it must go through and eight percent of world oil production goes to manufacturing it. Plastic production worldwide now exceeds 80 million tones a year, with Australia contributing almost 1.3 million tones to that total, that’s a bloody shit load! Here are a few more for you to ponder: There are about 46,000 pieces of plastic floating in each square mile of our oceans and in some parts of the Pacific Ocean there is sadly more plastic than plankton.  Discarded plastic has even been found on uninhabited South Pacific islands. Every piece of plastic EVER made still exists today! In addition to this, production of plastics is a major user of fossil fuels. True facts.

Out in the Pacific Ocean between America and Japan lies a huge garbage patch; an island of plastic estimated to be around the size of Queensland and made up of 3.5 million tones of plastic bottles, shopping bags, lids and various other throwaway items.

As it grows, marine life and birds are mistaking it for food and feeding it to their young who are ingesting it and dying from poisoning. Scientists researching the effects of this found shards of plastic in 9% of the fish in this area. If you are a fan of the traditional fish supper, be warned – in years to come ocean fish may be deemed unsuitable for human consumption. This is a very real threat.

This horrific scar upon the ocean is evidence of the last 50 years of ‘throwaway living’. No single country could afford to finance the clean up of the ocean. The damage is done. What we can do is clean up our act to prevent it from getting worse.

People! Now is the time to make a stand and use the voice of your actions to make a difference, we need to take personal responsibility as individuals.
Some simple steps we could each take to alleviate the problem would be; Re-use your plastic bags to give them a long life, Avoid buying plastic products whenever possible. Reduce the amount of plastic used by buying refill packs and rejecting products with excess packaging. Recycle any surplus plastic items. Right now you could; lose your coffee cup lids, ask your friendly barrister to fill it 3/4 or maybe just take a sip before you leave the cafe! Its that easy, no catch. Simple of simples and what could be a better result than reducing the production of plastic and at zero cost.

We live in a distorted world where consumerism and convenience are paramount and the welfare of our planet is merely an afterthought. We desperately need to force a change in our habits which is something that will take incredible discipline and a strong desire to make a difference.

I think about the future and wonder if our grandchildren will ask us why we did nothing to stop the damage. I wonder what will be left for them of the magnificent biodiversity on this planet. Will they see a humpback whale and her calf migrate across Bondi? Will they be lucky enough to see the majestic Manta Rays and ancient turtles at Coral Bay? Will they experience the underwater wonderland that is the Great Barrier Reef?

We are so extraordinarily lucky right here and right now and we should not for a second longer take it for granted. We live on the edge of the ocean, we surf, swim, love, paint and sing about it. I myself am continually in awe of its raging and unbridled power. We should all feel a certain affinity with it, after all it was the beginning of life on earth, from whence we came.

“Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something”

End Rant.


My Wife…

22 Feb

It’s quite splendid to find a wife as supple and bendy as Kat Dendy. She really is something quiet dazzling on the eyes, her fire red hair is aflame and her very aura can turn a mans head before she even enters a room.

She slinks and struts with a naughty glint in her eyes and exudes rays of awesomeness like beams of light. She rules the dancefloor like no other, flexing power moves that would make Prince swallow his own false teeth in astonishment, angels would cry and passers by would literally spontaneously combust in sheer admiration. I myself am often left bewildered and wonder-struck watching these incredible moves and i know better than anyone that attempting to imitate them could result in death, ive seen it happen on the dance floor in Fabric, it wasnt pretty! Her moves are more complex than the mortal human brain can comprehend and would send you spiralling into a vortex of insanity.

Aside from her ridiculous good looks and ludicrously good cooking (if you happen to like having your face melted off with chili) she is also warm and kind and loyal to the end, defending my honour like my wife in shining armour, fighting in my corner even if im actually wrong!

Going above, around and beyond the call of duty she is the ultimate companion. My swiss army wife, whether covered in glitter and cavorting in a field, wearing an animal hood and rolling around on the floor at a party, power flexing to techno at a rave, snuggling up on the safa and weeping over Pride And Prejudice (again) or keeping me warm in bed on a cold winters night with a gentle fart under the covers she really is the most exceptional partner in crime.

She’s the rye to my vita and the fanj to my ita, she’s the bullet in my gun, if I’m the moon then she’s my sun. My wife is quite simply one of the most wondrous creatures I have ever encountered. Bask in her glory!

Happy birthday lover, I miss you like you wouldn’t believe x



22 Feb

This summers biggest festivals are on and over the horizon and I’m sure you’ve already been dreaming of cavorting under the light of the moon in glorious fancy dress outfits! I know I have! And what every fancy dress wardrobe needs is some jazzy head adornments. These are especially useful on the last day, when your hair has started to dreadlock itself and you don’t want to waste your last energy reserves brushing it!! This hat is your secret to looking AWESOME all festival long! But wait! Why limit yourself to festivals alone?! Why not infiltrate everyday life with a bit of awesomeness? Try doing the housework in one, maybe walking the dog…transform mundane everyday tasks into a dazzling catwalk! Watch as people stare and gape in sheer wonderment! So heres a little class on how to craftily create a hat SO jazzy that passing children will spontaneously burst into flames, nuns will weep, satellites will change course and its sheet magnetic pull will rip open a black hole in your living room.You will need;

  • A hat; I like tophats for that gentified vibe…
  • Decorations; fake birds, faux flowers/foliage, feathers, sequins, ribbons, foam skulls, feather boas (Fake flowers are very useful, including the leaves)
  • A glue gun and plenty of glue re-fills
  • Needle and thread (darning needles are good)
  • A pumping soundtrack, I personally like this…

Step 1; Heat up the glue gun…maybe pour yourself a glass of fine wine, or a pot of tea.Step 2; Pump up your chosen soundtrack…this will set the mood for a seriously jazzy crafternoon. Step 3; Organize your items, have a play around and see what looks best. Its good to choose a main focal point, and then maybe select two smaller items. In this example I used the purple glittery fronds and then covered up the unsightly ends with the blue flower. The little bird was just a finishing touch.Step 4; Glueing. Choose the flattest and largest area on the item to glue to the hat, use a decent sized blob and hold it in place for a good 20 seconds. Don’t rush this stage.Once all the items are in place take a step back and have a look at your handy work. Now would be a good time to turn up your music and have a sip of tasty beverage. Step 5; Take your needle and thread and carefully sew the heavier pieces into place. Be sure to choose a thread color that wont show up.Step 6; cover up any unsightly marks or ends with some fake leaves or petals.Step 7; place hat on head, hold it down and get ready for flaming nuns and black holes opening up in your mind!!



21 Feb

I am 29 years old and after 10 years of punishing my brain with a fast paced party lifestyle I have finally collected my thoughts, re alligned my chakkras and gathered my wits! In the last year or so my life seems to have exploded into orbit, everything I have ever known is upside down! This is mostly because I now reside in Australia with my beautiful boyhusband. Leaving Blighty to start a fresh adventure with this dazzling man beast has opened up my eyes, heart and mind, my creative juices are in overdrive and my once foggy brain particles are lit up like sparkling fractacles of light! This blog is to be my release, a place to splatter my brain matter and natter some breeze.




The ULTIMATE festival campsite guide

21 Feb

With the festival season in full swing i thought now would be a good time to give you my ultimate guide to luxurious festival camping. In my opinion a campsite shouldn’t only be regarded as a place to crawl back to, it should be a haven to escape to…for sleeps, eats, parties and simply rolling around on the floor when it all gets a bit much.

I have compiled a list of my ultimate dream-camp ingredients for your perusal! It is designed to not break the bank and still maintain total awesomeness.

Essential items…

  • Cheap tents, pillows, blow up matresses and sleeping bags. Having a pillow makes all the difference! A lumpy nights sleep is transformed into a luxury nights sleep!

Or if you REALLY want to splash out check this…it’s a solar tent by Orange, pretty awesome. It’s charges your phone and it’s own lights during the day using solar energy.

And this…These are bell tents made by Soulpad, also awesome! I spent one particularly ridiculous festival in a tent very similar to this and felt like I was in the most extreme luxury!! You can fully stand up and it sleeps around 5 people very comfortably. It’s amazing for after parties when the main stages have shut down and you’re feeling beastly!

  • A mini marquee is the perfect center piece to create your base camp, if you arrange your groups tents around it you get a bit of privacy, shade and rain cover.
  • A table; for preparing yummy food and drinks. If your coming as a big group its a good idea to each bring the ingredients for one amazing feast, that way everyone takes a turn to cook and nobody buys too much food. Obviously the chef never washes up…golden rule!
  • Gas cooker and cooking equipment. Standard.
  • Camping chairs…
  • An assortment of cushions are great for lounging around on. Check out op shops or just bring your own!
  • Rugs and blankets for the floor. Old rugs are better as they are more suited to having people stomping all over them! These can also be found cheaply at op shops or Spotlight stores.
  • Jazzy material, scarves, sarongs, wall hangings. Anything colorful is perfect to personalize your space and also add some privacy.
So…procure said goodies, steal your mums cushions, raid your local camping shop and voila! CONGRATU-BLUDDY-LATIONS! You have now created the ultimate festival campsite and this can be stored away and reused all summer long. Now all you need to do is find your people, name your camp and set sail for ridiculous fun-times!
Here are a few eye catching tents and jazzy sleeping arrangements to get your juices flowing! Maybe you don’t even need a tent?!
Burning man festival, Nevada, USA
Rainbow serpent festival, VIC, Australia
Burning man festival, Nevada, USA
Bestival, the isle of wight, UK
Unknown location. Rad Indian tea party
Happy camping!


Photos are mostly from Burning man festival in the Nevada desert and Bestival which happens on the Isle Of Wight in the UK. Also featuring Rainbow serpent in VIC, Australia. The first two mentioned are the greatest festivals i have ever experienced! I say this with conviction and for so many reasons; for the ultimate in mind boggling, sensorial overloading, awe inspiring good times. Awesome music, vibes and people and such great diversity and original ideas happening every year. I have to admit…I BLOODY LOVE FESTIVALS!!